Sitting

I got a call from a friend’s boyfriend this morning, telling me my friend was having an episode, of the brain variety, and could I come help him talk to her and convince her to go to the hospital? I had never met the boyfriend before. I get the impression he may have been calling random numbers in her phone.

I said I’d be happy to go talk to her, but I wasn’t sure what would come of it. He said he’d call me back in half an hour, and now an hour has past.

I’m nervous. I’m not quite sure what to do. I found myself looking things up on the internet, looking for some sort of external advice that I could take with me like some sort of magic elixir I could dump on her head to make the situation magically better. But, I’m not even sure how accurate his version of the events even are.

One thing I find it hard to do for an extended period of time is just sit with it. I can do it for ten minutes or so, but after a while I become agitated and desperately want to look up something – anything! – to help me deal with it. I find this type of nervous energy very difficult to sit with – my heart rate speeds up, and all I want to do is move, or think, or mentally churn. And, on some level I know it won’t help, but it’s the habit I’ve always fallen into.

Another part of me is thinking, deep down, “ugh, why me?” In a way, it’s good me. If he was calling random people, he could have called a coworker, or a boss, or someone from whom this information would be best kept private. She may be embarrassed to have this revealed to me, but it’s not part of my philosophy to think less of people when they experience mental turmoil, and I’m not in any way connected to her professional life. But, the selfish part of me is hoping this whole thing blows over by the time I call him back.

Which is now – I’m scared!

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